Pain

I felt the deepest pain today.

My legs were tearing apart.
It felt like I'm not meant to do this.

"Because of how skinny and small you are, stretching will be difficult for you because there's no muscles for you to pull already, but only your big veins (jing1). What other people are pulling are the muscles and fats, but for you, it's your bones and veins (jing1). So you have to be much stronger and determined than the rest. It's not gonna be easy for you, gonna be very painful. Stop crying."

You know, since young, I've always aspired to be a great performer.
To really stand out from the crowd and use dance as a way to represent the world's messages and crisis.
Always, always kept that in my mind.

Today, while doing side split, I got pushed down right to the ground.
It was fucking pain. Fuck. Pain.
I was crying non-stop.
It really hurt so bad it's like your legs are crippled; I was limping.
It felt like my inner thigh muscles were snipped off.
I was tearing throughout the whole dance practice.
Dancing, Tearing. Dancing, Tearing.
It was painful.
Both the legs and the heart.
It felt like I had to go through much more to become a good dancer.
It felt like I'm not meant to do this.
It felt like I...

can't do this.

Am I able to be so much stronger than the rest?

p/s: I'm sucha cry baby. Every fucking thing I cry. Even when typing this, I feel the sadness in me. I cry. I really... am sad.
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Packed day today. Had Modern Dance from 0830 to 1230, then 1330 to 1430 MTV groove at studiowu, and 1500 Winter's Tale at esplanade. Imagine rushing from Simei to Esplanade in 30 minutes. Oh my, I was like running 2.4km.. -.- Luckily I reached on time, BECAUSE WINTER'S TALE WAS AWESOME!!!! It appeared on news today! :D Hahaha

JOJ headed to Marina square to meet Shu Yi and Eugenia, then I started getting high (to replace my bad mood in the morning hahah). Started taking retarded photos at esplanade hahahaha. Will post em up soon!

Have lotsa homework!

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